Dear Viva
The questions that are hard to ask out loud — about money, siblings, aging parents, and the guilt that comes with living far away. Send yours; we answer them here.
Starting out: the letters below were written by us to show the format — they aren't from real readers yet, and neither are the replies. Send the first real one.
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Ask an Expert
Some questions need a licence, not experience — Philippine law, US immigration, taxes on both sides, property, elder care, repatriation. Those go to licensed professionals in their own columns, credentials published.
How the expert columns work →Reader letters
My father refuses a caregiver. He's had two falls. How do I get him to accept help?
An aging parent who insists he's fine — after falls — is the hardest problem in long-distance caregiving. Approaches that work better than arguing.
— Anonymous2 reader replies
Our helper keeps asking for cash advances. Are we being taken advantage of?
A caregiver who repeatedly asks for salary advances puts a family abroad in an awkward spot. How to be fair without losing control of the arrangement.
— Anonymous1 reader reply
My siblings won't help pay for Mom's care. What do I do?
One sibling in the US carries the whole cost of a parent's care while the others contribute nothing. How to reset the arrangement without blowing up the family.
— Anonymous2 reader replies
Ask your question
Write as much or as little as you want. We read everything, and we publish the questions that will help other families — with an answer, and sometimes with responses from readers who have been through the same thing.
- You choose your credit. First name and city, or fully anonymous. Your email address is never published, and we never publish full names or anything that identifies your parent.
- Nothing runs without your OK. We check with you before publishing, and we'll take a letter down on request.
- Answers are experience, not advice. Nothing here is medical, legal, or financial advice — for those, see a professional licensed where you and your parent live.
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New letters go out with the newsletter — and subscribers are the ones who send in the replies that make this column worth reading.